I want to walk on stilts...naked
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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