My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
