Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
