Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
