well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The power of my boobs compel you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
