You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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