Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
