party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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