I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i may or may not be watching the land before time
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
