I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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