You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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