i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
