3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have feelings that need drinking.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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