somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
