my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize