the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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