so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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