So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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