I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
