beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
