a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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