i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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