she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
