alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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