Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
