Im at strip club and am horny
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
