I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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