Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
