I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize