wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
