I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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