They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
