so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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