You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
