Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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