Pappa wants mamma naked
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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