We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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