Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
