hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
