Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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