I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
