So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
