I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
