I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And then my night got REAL pukey
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
