R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
