Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
