Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize