Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
