I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I sprained my soul last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
