I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You were trust falling into bushes
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
