so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
