can we get nightvision for the apartment?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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