This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
