we're chasing vodka with high fives
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
