we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
