Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
ttyl tear gas
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
