Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
