Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
