they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
