Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
