I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
