This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
