Non-Jews are for practice
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
