so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
