This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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