I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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