dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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