I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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