Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
