I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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