How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
