Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
