no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
