This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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