After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
