We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
