4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
