When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
