i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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