you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize